Thursday, February 18, 2010

Tired after a long day of jumping with Layla in my new bouncer!
Daddy told mum "That is a peaceful angel"

Yeah... That's right... My feet reach the floor!

Hi Mum!... wait... is this ANOTHER picture?
Harmonee is finally in never land, dreaming of kittens, and puppies, or perhaps visiting her heavenly friends. Whatever a little baby of her age finds pleasing to dream about. I have been sitting here watching her smiled and give little giggles as she dreams, thinking about what kind of things could have happened to have her be the one to have the disease that she does. I have been wondering lately what happened to all of my medical knowledge, or if I had any at all in the first place. After all the years of schooling, all of the tests and quizzes, nights of studying odd subjects to perfection. When it comes down to it, I wonder where it might disappear to when it comes down to my own little babe. Why when the doctors start talking about Harmonee's illness, labs, or other such things that she will have to endure, why it might seem like a completely foreign language, not the same language I have spoken for many years at work, to different patients, doctors or other nurses. Why does it all seem to disappear when it comes down to my own child?
Harmonee has made considerable amounts of progress the past few days! Grandmum and Grandpa Jensen brought her a bouncer that has helped her sit up better with out hurting her little belly. Layla taught her how to bounce in it today! They both bounced all day giggling with each other! It was such an amazing sight to see! She looked at me with the "look at me mum!" smile! I almost started crying, of course those tears came later when I was able to hold her with out her crying out in pain, but welcomed my hugs with a smile!
Its overwhelming how much has happened in the past month and a half! Let alone the past week. Starting her PELD was such a big step. It ended a short, but tough chapter in our lives but opened a new, more intense and eager chapter. The chapter of waiting on a liver. When we found out that we were not able to do live donor a haunting thought came to mind, and hasn't quiet left yet, but has gotten stronger, and more frequent. The thought that someone out there is getting ready to give Harmonee her second chance liver. It breaks my heart knowing someone out there will be giving there life to god in just a few short months. My heart breaks for the family, but already I am in love with them for allowing their loved one to be a donor. Even though they don't know that it may happen yet, and I don't know who it will be, I am very grateful to them! I hope someday, somehow, whoever gives Harmonee their liver, that I will be able to meet their family someday and give them my deepest respects. It may be early to think of that, but knowing our last choice is a cadaver liver... it is hard not to.

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